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These aren’t as easy as the last short and savory (I mean, what could be), but they do have the same kind of desperate feed-yourself-when-drunk/hungover appeal. They’re also so foolproof and delicious that you can whip them up for unexpected guests or a last minute potluck (if you’re being a lazy jerk).

Green Onion Cakes

Servings: 1 – 4 (meal vs. snack)

  • 1 c flour
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tbsp oil
  • 2 tsp yeast
  • ~ 1/2 c water
  • 3 green onions, sliced
  • additional salt and oil

There are two ways to make these, depending on how greasy, salty, and pull-apart-layered you want them. The easier option is to mix everything together (except the additional salt and oil), knead it a bit, make snakes of dough, roll them up like cinnamon buns, smoosh the buns flat, and fry ’em. This is totally acceptable. Fried dough is always delicious, and you’re probably too hungover to appreciate the difference between this and the harder version.

The harder version is designed to give you more salt and fat, and nicer layers with nooks and crannies for scooping up sauce. Plus, they’re not that much harder. You mix the dough ingredients (so everything except the onions and additional salt and oil), and knead it a bit. Make little snakes of dough and then roll them flat so you have long strips (maybe 1 1/2 inches wide). Dip your fingers in oil and grease the part of the strips that are facing up. Use the same method to rub the greased part with salt (use your judgment for how much). Sprinkle the dough with green onions, then fold it in half over the onions “hot dog style” and seal it. Roll your stuffed snake up like a cinnamon bun. Try to have everything sealed, then roll the bun flat. Some onions will squish out, that’s okay. Finally, fry ’em up.

All versions should be eaten with buckets of chili garlic sauce. These can also be made in big batches and frozen raw (between layers of plastic wrap or paper) for emergency use later. Because, yes, there is such thing as a green onion cake emergency.